Lloyds TSB: The world’s most pointless travel insurance

So I’m planning to do a fair bit of travelling this year, and I figured it would be wise to pick up some travel insurance. First port of call was my bank Lloyds TSB, and the online quote form on their website. It started sanely enough: confirm you’re in the UK, confirm you haven’t been told by a doctor that you’re about to die, that sort of thing. Then I was presented with this:

Certain activities you may take part in while away may be considered hazardous.

Click here to see a list of hazardous activities

(Tickybox) I confirm that none of the applicants will be taking part in any of the hazardous activities listed.

I think “Fruit or Vegetable Picking” was the first item to make me do a double-take.

Must be all that genetic engineering they’re doing these days. Those parsnips, they’ll all gang up against you the moment your back is turned. Oh well, that doesn’t bother me. Slightly more inconvenient, however, was the ban on both “Flying (as a Fare Paying Passenger in a Fully Licensed Passenger Carrying Aircraft)” and “Flying (Other Than As A Fare Paying Passenger In A Fully Licensed Passenger Carrying Aircraft)”. I also spent a moment pondering the implications of not being able to do any “Running (Non-Competitive and not Marathon)” – supposing I turned up at Bruxelles-Midi to find that my train was leaving in two minutes, I’d have to quickly find a willing volunteer to race against. Or continue running for another 25-and-a-bit miles after getting on the train, I suppose. And on observing that “Bungee Jumping (within Organiser’s Guidelines)” was right out whereas bungee jumping unsupervised with a slightly-too-long piece of string was presumably acceptable, I sensed that something was amiss.

Fortunately for me, a competitor’s website had managed to get the right idea and correctly arranged the list under the subheadings “you can do this”, “we’ll let you do this if you pay us enough” and “now you’re just being silly”. Unfortunately for Lloyds TSB, I couldn’t alert them to their mistake because their website didn’t provide an email address for the appropriate department. So I had to email an inappropriate one instead. Where it will probably be sat on for the next six months.

Well done Lloyds TSB, you just lost 50 quid of business through having a crap website.

9 Responses to “Lloyds TSB: The world’s most pointless travel insurance”

  1. icabod says:

    Hehe, that’s quite good. They’ll insure you when you get there, but not to actually get there.
    Just had my travel insurance come through and because of your post I checked it. It doesn’t cover flying “unless as a paying passenger”. Wonder what happens if I get a free ticket?

  2. matt says:

    That’s a very good point actually. My housemate at my last place is now a trained pilot, and it’s not entirely improbable that he could invite me to come for a spin at some point in the next year. I suppose I’ll have to buy him a beer then.

  3. matt says:

    Just for posterity, here’s the reply I received:

    Dear Mr Westcott,

    Thanks for your email about our Travel Insurance Dangerous Activities List on our website.

    If you have any questions about the activities on this list, you need to call our Travel Insurance department on 0800 072 3321. They will be able to tell you more about this.

    If there’s anything else we can help you with, please let us know. Alternatively, to obtain an instant answer, why not try using our Online
    Help Centre at http://lloydstsb.creativevirtual.com/LloydsTSB/. It answers over 90% of customers’ questions.

    Many thanks

    xxxxxx xxxxxxx
    Email Support
    Lloyds TSB

    So there you go. If you get an email saying “Your website appears to imply that your product sucks ass. Surely that can’t be right?” then the correct response is “Please phone us up to find out whether our product sucks ass or not”. Well done again, Lloyds TSB.

  4. icabod says:

    I think you’ll find that, although not actually listed on the site, sucking ass will come under the “hazardous activities” heading.

  5. mikezt says:

    Hehe, but there’s no activity “drinking vodka”, so it’s enough for travel to russia ;-)

  6. DiGio says:

    banking with Lloyds TSB is even worse!

    I got married and needed to change my surname on my account info. I walked in to the brunch, submitted all my required docs and there you go 3 week later I received my new debit card and a cheque book, and my surname had been changed in Internet Banking. But I haven’t received credit card. After waiting for another 2 weeks I called their Credit card help-line and response was to call the brunch where I submitted my docs and ask them to fax the docs and the appropriate fax number was given.

    To get the number of the brunch I had to call to the general cust.serv.number and to explain the situation. She held me on the line for another 20 minutes and revealed me the truth saying that she could not reach the brunch, please here is the number, call yourself.

    I called the brunch myself. After 5 or 6 times of redialing at last someone picked up the phone. I explained the whole story and can you guess what was the answer? The lady on 399 Oxford Street, London brunch, tells me: “we have nothing to do with credit card department, I am afraid you will have to send your documents yourself”. Ha-ha! This does not happen even in my country which belong to so called Emerging Markets countries. I said that the system should be centralised, when I applied first the brunch manager did everything for me and I am not gonna submit any docs. The polite lady from LLoyds TSB just hung up the phone. Shocking behavior from the British bankers.

    I called again and asked who I was speaking to. Well, I am not far-east asian, so my English accent i pretty clear, but the answer I received was she did not understand what I was asking and talking about. This is already racism or say it softer nationalism. After I got her name and surname after all I explained her why her name was needed because I was planning to complain and writing down all name who I had to deal with. After this explanation my accent became VERY clear to her :))) and sweet Emma solved all my problems.

    I know retail banking is usually ppl of no education, some of them have not done even A-levels. But this is just over any limit!

  7. Madzai says:

    Lloyds TSB have hidden charges when you transfer to their accounts from other overseas banks. I transferred a few grands from my Australian (St George) account and Lloyds have charged 12GBP for RECEIVING money!!!

    The point is I asked them clearly if they do such charges when I receive money from other banks and they said NO!! This is so ridiculous.

  8. Madzai says:

    NEVER BANK WITH LLOYDS TSB. That is the doggy bank ever I banked with.

  9. V Annoyed says:

    After reading the above, I’m not surprised so many people have the opinion they are rubbish!

    The “NEW” online banking web sites are absolutely shocking, and as customers we can’t complain electronically!

    They offer all services on line – BUT – you can’t talk to them!

    Think I’ll be moving all my doe very very soon…

    WORST CHANGE EVER MADE! it’s no longer a 1 page view of all you’re accounts.

Leave a Reply