The Ballad Of Graham The Caveman

My last-minute final submission to FAWM… largely recorded around 1am last night, so to stay on good terms with my neighbours I didn’t “rock out” quite as much as I could have done.

This actually had its genesis at the very start of last month, when Mike Skliar’s opening song Listen To Fools managed to dislodge this long-forgotten idea from my subconscious. From there it took on a life of its own, eventually to become the mini-rock-opera you see here.

Personally I’m amazed at how decisively I managed to sail past the writers block that usually kicks in on my songs at around the 2:30 mark. Five and a half minutes?! I’ve had dentist appointments shorter than that…

Download matt_westcott_-_the_ballad_of_graham_the_caveman.mp3

Way back in time when the dinosaurs roamed the planet
Or actually a little bit later if you’re going to be pedantic
There lived a mighty caveman, nobody knows his name
But for the purposes of narrative, we’re gonna call him… Graham

One evening after a long day hunting deer
He was hard at work sharpening his flint spear
When all of a sudden he saw a spark fly out of sight
and into the corner where it set his roof alight

Well Graham wasn’t going to cry about the loss of his roof
He had a scientific mystery on his hands, and had to find the truth
He knew that his discovery would change the face of all mankind
And as he lay awake that night all kinds of visions flashed through his mind

Like automobiles and catherine wheels and travelling in the dark
And ovens and cookers and flaming sambucas and barbecues in the park
And jumbo jets and cigarettes, and smelting iron and tin
And chili beans and smoke machines, and all because of him

A few days later he called over his friends from the tribe
For a quick demonstration of… well, something he couldn’t describe
They all gathered round a pile of branches and twigs and vines
And as he started hitting a rock they all thought that he’d lost his mind

But suddenly the spirit awoke
First a spark, then a plume of smoke
And at once, a pillar of flame
The audience gasped at the beast he had tamed
The wizard rose up, with spear in his hand
And he laughed, for he had the whole world at his command

So the very next day he went to see a patent attorney
With a bundle of descriptions and diagrams of everything… burny

Like automobiles and catherine wheels and travelling in the dark
And ovens and cookers and flaming sambucas and barbecues in the park
And jumbo jets and cigarettes, and smelting iron and tin
And chili beans and smoke machines, and all because of him

After six weeks he got a letter, from which he learned
That the strategy focus group had encountered a few concerns
It didn’t meet the requirements of health and safety legislation
And there’d have to be a programme of user certification

But don’t be discouraged ’cause we think the idea’s just grand
And it could still be a hit, with the right retail brand
Our consultants are working on a business plan
So if you could fill out these forms… just formalities, you understand

Now Graham was a hunting man, you never met a guy so brave
But fighting through the paperwork drove him to an early grave
His friends were sad to see him go, there can be no doubt
If only they knew all the ways they’d be missing out

Like automobiles and catherine wheels and travelling in the dark
And ovens and cookers and flaming sambucas and barbecues in the park
And jumbo jets and cigarettes, and smelting iron and tin
And chili beans and smoke machines, distilleries for gin
Like combi grills and fire drills, and campfire singalongs
And frying pans and Burning Man, and gravity water bongs
And hurricane lamps and chemical plants and cans of propane
But instead they’re hunting mammoths on the wild Siberian plain

Download MP3 (5.2M)
The Ballad Of Graham The Caveman

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4 Responses to “The Ballad Of Graham The Caveman”

  1. Jimbly says:

    It reminds me of early U2. Especially the subliminal and mystical elements.

  2. matt says:

    Blimey. I should really listen to more U2…

  3. [...] That evening we also crashed the open mic at The Stage Door, Waterloo – so for completeness, the two songs I performed there were You See Colours and The Ballad Of Graham The Caveman. No recordings of those though, unfortunately. [...]

  4. [...] and duly stumbled through the first two verses on stage before throwing in the towel and playing Graham The Caveman instead. (It wouldn’t have been so bad, except the first two verses were the old bit that I [...]

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