I’ve been slacking in posting my FAWM songs up here so far this month, so time to fix that. Here’s the first one, an epic (7 minutes, don’t ask me how that happened) everyday tale of bitchiness and quiz shows.

Download matt_westcott_-_millionaire.mp3

I’d just sat down for a TV dinner, switched over from Ricki Lake
And when I saw your face on the telly it made me do a double take
You weren’t exactly basking in your fifteen minutes of fame
The studio lights made you look like a startled rabbit
in the path of an oncoming train

Truth is, I haven’t really taken much interest at all
in what you’re doing with your life these days
Ever since a certain incident you might recall
Which culminated in you telling me

that I’m a useless shit and you wish I would die
and it made you sick just to look me in the eye
and the heartache that I put myself through
it meant nothing at all to you

You never thought that you and me would work
and I’m a spiteful, hateful useless jerk
And with those words you were out of the door
and I wouldn’t see you again any more

So there you were on Millionaire, and it wasn’t hard to tell
that though I hate to admit as much, you were doing rather well
You had a lucky run on questions that helpfully employed
your knowledge of inane pop culture icons
that I try to avoid

You got to half a million, and then out of the blue
came a question so poetic in its obscurity
even Chris Tarrant was bemused

“Which tractor had the greatest market share in 1922?
Was it: A) the Fordson B) the Farmall C) the Alldog
D) the Waterloo”

Now it just so happens I’m a world renowned authority
On 1920s agricultural machinery
And through the close-up camera, and the way that you’d react
I could pin down the exact split second
when you realised this fact

That the one guy who could help you when you needed it the most
had been well and truly alienated
By a certain foolish incident a year or two ago
Which culminated in you telling me


Well you couldn’t cut your losses, cause you had a point to prove
So you called up your boyfriend, who didn’t really have a clue
He thought it was the Farmall, but he was doubtful all the same
You gave that as your final answer – and blew half a million down the drain

Now call it schadenfreude, but you lost your dreams that day
And it really was quite gratifying to see them washed away
and to know you’d still be living in a bedsit in Skegness
with a stupid boyfriend who hasn’t even heard of the Fordson Model F

But if you’d only had a change of face
Had me on your phone-a-friend list just in case
made a tearful plea, on national TV
promised me that we could still be friends

…Then probably I’d be struck down with amnesia
and inconveniently forget the answer
Cause clearly I’m so worthless, that’s the sort of thing I’d do
you said so yourself, don’t you recall

[chorus x2]

Download Millionaire (MP3, 7.5Mb)
Millionaire on FAWM

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.

One Response to “Millionaire”

  1. Deltafire says:

    Great tune, catchy melody and good lyrics :)

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